do you ever have this longing in your heart to have that one special person to think of, to call, to pray for... just to love?

HAHA yeah, I used to long for it all the time, but I think that I'm doin' good where I am right now. There's just this little part of me that wonders about relationships and whether or not I'll be in one sometime in the near future... or even who it'll be. yup, it comes with the territory. I haven't planned my wedding yet, I haven't picked a dress, I don't fantasize about my ring or about my "perfect day".

I remember this one time, I was babysitting with my ex and one of the kids had fallen asleep on his chest and one of the kids was on my lap and we were all just sitting on the couch watching Lady and the Tramp... I remember stopping at that moment and thinking to myself... this is contentment... this is what I want for myself when I grow up... it was as if time had stopped and waited for me to savor the moment. I still remember that day and it makes me smile to think of it. Perhaps someday that picture will come back into my life with my husband and my children. I truly hope so.

I've forgotten what it feels like to be a girlfriend... I don't remember it. It feels so long ago and so foreign to me. How did i ever talk on the phone so much and for so long? I just don't know if I'm capable of doing all that stuff anymore. I feel like I'd be so "whatevers" about everything... which is in HUGE contrast to how I used to be. Perhaps I just need the right person to come into my life to help me remember what romance is like. Yea whatevers... and until then, I'll just work on being me. : )

I've committed this year (at least) to stay single and to allow God to grow me, mold me, strengthen me, and to build my character. I still pray to lay my desires and my dreams at His feet. And I lay down "relationships" quite often. My goal is to be content in all circumstances... whether or not they turn out to my liking or how I always hoped they'd be. God knows best... if I'm to stay single for the rest of my life on earth, there musta been a darn good reason why. I trust Him. He'll take good care of me cuz He knows how to give good gifts to His children. Every good and perfect gift is from above and comes from the Father of Lights who never changes. Isn't that comforting?